One of the biggest reasons I’ve been neglecting my blog is because I have a job now. And with that job comes great
responsibility commute times. It takes an hour for me to get to work on a good day, and who knows how long in shitty traffic.
If you’ll remember, I live in New Jersey. Jersey drivers have a well-deserved reputation of being aggressive motherfuckers, and whenever I see one of these I get even more irrationally angry.
1) Stick Figure Families
I know, I know. It’s cool to hate these. But it is WELL-DESERVED HATE. At first they were vaguely cute, but every day there are more and more and the novelty wore off really quickly. Especially with the advent of…
2) NOVELTY Stick Figure Families
Just when you thought it couldn’t get any worse, people have to get CREATIVE with their stupid stickers. The worst offender of all was the Mr. Met family I saw a few years ago – as a Mets fan, that even made me cringe. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately?) I couldn’t find a picture of them. Moving on…
3) Elaborate “In Loving Memory Of (my deceased relative)” Memorials
My most sincere apologies to Ms. Smith. Forever doomed to have your name plastered over the back windscreen of someone’s car. I just think these are really tacky, especially if they’re for pets. (I saw one of those the other day and nearly puked right then and there.)
4) “Keep Christ In Christmas” Magnets
IT’S APRIL. TAKE THE DAMN THING OFF YOUR CAR ALREADY. And that’s not just the angry atheist side talking.
(Also, y’all know that the ‘x’ stands for ‘christ,’ right? Right? No, probably not, otherwise you wouldn’t have the damn sticker/magnet to begin with.)
5) “My (insert dog breed here) Is Smarter Than Your Honor Student”
NO. That is quite literally impossible. Chances are your dog doesn’t have an education, life experience, or a job. Now if it were “my dog is more lovable than your honor student” or “my dog is better at playing fetch than your honor student,” I might be inclined to agree.
6) Any Kitschy Breast Cancer Awareness Sticker
By displaying this sticker, you are saying:
a) that a potentially debilitating disease is JUST SO FUNNY!
b) that women are no more important than their breasts! Sexism!!!
c) that you don’t really care about finding a cure, you just like tits!
d) all of the above!
If you answered “D,” YOU’RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT! Shit ain’t funny. Just stop.
Which ones do you hate to see? Leave them in the comments!